How sexist workplace environments contribute to a toxic, woman verse woman culture.
by Lydia Ghuman
Type “American Work Life” into Google’s search bar, and you’ll end up with some terrifying results.
Americans live in a world where we put in 30 percent more hours than their German peers because they have half as many weeks of paid leave; they are more likely to work nights and weekends, and as a result are more likely to be unhappy with their lifestyle and the lack of leisure it contains. Whether you work in corporate America, are self-employed or fall somewhere in between on the spectrum, there’s another key factor in considering your happiness at work — competition.
As you slide into bed at night at 9 p.m. on a Thursday, the last thing on your mind is answering your email — that is, until your phone vibrates on your bedside table. Smartphones’ inclusivity in the workplace has generated a multitude of opportunities for people to organize and complete their work, but it has also created a culture in which workers are constantly surrounded by work and are therefore never truly separated from it. Because the ability to answer a 9 p.m. email is too easy, workers feel as if they’re neglecting their jobs if they don’t. People are caught within a cycle of fear that is motivated by competition — a need to be both perfect and better than those around you.
These workplace pressures are felt by the majority of American workers, but for some people this competitive and strenuous culture intensifies; more women grapple with this dynamic than men, and understanding why is the key to improving a culture in which everyone should feel supported.
The gendered stereotypes women face make it more difficult for them to find success in the workplace and in their personal lives. While male co-workers definitely feel the pressures that come with a competitive and demanding work culture, Debora Spar notes in her Newsweek article “Why Women Should Stop Being Perfect” that women not only have to deal with the expectations of a competitive work culture, but also a variety of societal expectations ranging from “the old fashioned ones (to be good mothers and wives, impeccable housekeepers, and blushing brides) and those wrought more recently (to be athletic, strong, sexually versatile, and wholly independent).” This results in women feeling they need to be the best mother, spouse, or friend, while also being the best worker, even though there are more systemic barriers preventing them from doing so. These societal expectations placed on women’s personal lives manifest in negative ways that result in systemic injustices toward working women, such as inadequate care for pregnant women in the workplace, women being paid less than men, and a lack of women CEOs. Even more alarming is that if a women identifies as transgender, gender non-conforming, a homosexual, is a mother, or is not white, these workplace barriers increase for her whereas they decrease for a cis-gendered, gender conforming, heterosexual, white, single woman. The difficulties women face cause them to work harder to prove themselves in this demanding work culture and results in women focusing their energy on competing against other women. Moreover, coping with an employer’s prejudiced behavior adds an additional layer of challenge for marginalized women in the workplace.
Yet there are women who have succeeded in the demanding work culture of the U.S. without drowning in the throes of competition. Both Anita Bruzzese, author of the 2007 45 Things That Drive Your Boss Crazy and Alexandra Levit, author of the 2011 Blind Spots: 10 Business Myths You Can’t Afford to Believe have not only experienced the culture of competition in the United States, but discovered ways to overcome it. Below they share their tips, insights and experiences with me about coping with and conquering the culture of competition in the workplace.
1. Know what you want to achieve
Work-life balance is often viewed as a line you have to toe. You are either working or relaxing too much, or you’re continuously right in the middle, meaning you have gained successful work-life integration. Right? Wrong. It’s actually much more intricate than that. Instead of permanently obtaining an even balance of work and leisure, work-life balance consists of a combination of favored imbalances. There are going to be some days where you work more, and some days where you relax more, and you are going to have to decide as a woman (especially if you are a woman with a family), what personal imbalance you want to strike. Do you want more days proportionally focused on work throughout the year or more focused on leisure? Levit says that in her career, “Doing meaningful or engaging work, yet having the time to watch [her] children grow up. . . [is] lucky, even if it means [she] technically accomplishes less career wise.” For Levit, there are days where she works more instead of being with her family, but being successful at work while having more time for family is the personal balance that makes her happy. Because of this, she strives to create more days where there is an imbalance towards family instead of work. Everyone has her own unique balance of work and leisure that satisfies her, and you should take the time to discover it.
2. Competition isn’t always a bad thing
You don’t have to remove all competition from your life in order to be a successful worker. In fact, a little competition can be a good thing. “For me, competition has always spurred me to do better and improve my skills,” Bruzesse said. “But competition becomes destructive when it gets personal – and is accompanied by gossip and untruth.” The idea of motivational competition quickly turning destructive is something that often happens in the workplace, especially between women. CBS Chicago’s Dorothy Tucker reports in her article “Women v.s Women: When Female Competition is a Destructive Force” that exaggerating stories and jealousy is a problem between women in the workforce that proves “women are less supportive of other women in conditions where they are both underrepresented . . . and feel there are only few opportunities for advancement.” Women’s familiarity with competition in the workplace can be attributed to the lack of competition girls find with each other while growing up and going to school, something that can be attributed to the fact that both in the media and statistically, girls are generally more successful in school than boys. Unlike in the workplace where there is an evident bias against women that forces them to compete against each other for limited success, girls are presented as wholly having an advantage in the education system over boys, and therefore aren’t conditioned to compete with each other in this realm. Education isn’t something society markets as competitive between girls as it does with internships, jobs, and physical looks, making women inexperienced with non-aggressive, intellectual competition and allowing them to view any form of it in the workplace negatively. Keeping this in mind, it is clear why both Levit and Bruzesse strongly emphasize having a red pill coach.
3. Be Kind to other Women
Competing to win has proven detrimental to girls’ mental health by making them more likely to experience depression, yet competing to win is something that haunts girls throughout their lives. From as early as elementary school, girls feel the pressure to not just look their best, but to look the best. Girls learn to compete with each other instead of helping one another, and this feeling continues into adulthood as women enter the workforce. In fact, women in professional settings are more likely to harshly evaluate each other and create competition with one another than help each other succeed. Of her work experience, Bruzzese says, “Women have a terrible habit of criticizing choices made by other women instead of being supportive.” Levit echoes these sentiments by saying how “the best mentors for women are other women, yet there is this tendency for senior-level women to be threatened by up-and-comers instead of supportive of them.” With workplace issues such as maternity leave, unequal pay and lack of promotions, it can only be advantageous for women to start working with each other instead of subtly perpetuating microaggressions that make it harder to succeed.
4. Know how to relax
Knowing how to relax sounds easier than it is. So, be assured that it might take some time and a few slip-ups on your part before you realize how much work you can handle, how to realize you have reached your limit, and how you can successfully recharge yourself. Levit has been working long enough to be acutely aware of when she is sinking too far into competition in her work life. “When I find myself getting caught up in who’s doing what and if someone else got a luckier break than me, I step away and do something else for a while,” says Levit, who often turns to working out, the spa, or talking with friends to relax. It has been shown that women find it more difficult to step away from work when they are reaching their limits. It is difficult for them to successfully articulate their needs in a society where confident men are accepted, yet confident women are viewed as aggressive. Bruzzese has witnessed this firsthand as she notices that in her office “women sometimes are unfairly seen as being b*tchy if they work hard and are competitive — for men it seems to be a more admirable trait.” Yet it is by staying both competent and confident that women will be able to achieve their personal work-life balance and find success.
There is obviously a problem with the laborious hours American workers take upon themselves to compete with each other and it may seem unfair to focus on women in order to solve the dilemma. But if women are suffering more than men from the demanding culture of American work life, wouldn’t fixing the most extreme facet of the problem make it easier for the broader, cultural problem to be solved? This is not to say that women alone are responsible for fixing the problems that plague them in order to aid everyone else. Instead, this idea suggests that society should highlight the unique plight women face in the workplace to be more educated about it and be efficient allies in alleviating it, as it would prove that paying attention to women (not asking them to ignore the problem or fix it themselves) is the answer. Paying attention to women would not only improve work-life balance for them, but would inevitably eradicate the culture of competition for men as well.
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Lydia Ghuman is a junior English and biology double major at the University of Missouri. She’s a McNair Scholar, social justice advocate, freelancer, and self-proclaimed photographer whose work can be found on Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
 
